come out, come out...

wherever you are. kwame does it again. while in hiding, he's successfully secured detroit's slot as the most shameful city in the country. and he's THE MAYOR! seriously, i don't know whether to be amused or angry with the dude. last week, kwame "i like titties" kilpatrick (nickname courtesy of Brown Guy - keep an eye out for his blog regarding this... it's guaranteed to be funnier than this one) was busted. he was having an affair with his chief of staff, but more importantly, he lied about it on the stand. well, there goes his law license. did someone say "that's mighty clinton-ish of you, kwame"? the super-cool, sneaky way he was busted? text messages (in which he stated to his lover "never busted")!!! i love it. for all the juicy verbage, check out the story on click-on-detroit. it does make you think twice about what your thumbs are saying to your cell pals, though. sure hope they never subpoena my texts!

when he was brought forth in a whitsleblower lawsuit, back in september, i thought what was going on then was nonsense. but this really takes the cake. dude thinks he's straight tony soprano.... above the law. he's throwing parties at his mansion where strippers beef with his wife, then end up whacked. he's bangin' the chief of staff and firing her employees for investigating it (their whistleblower trial is when he "allegedly" committed perjury). he had a secret get-away home down south that he was staying at last week until he was tracked down there. i wonder if the manoogian mansion has a batcave with a super speedy get-away vehicle too? and now he's totally AWOL. he will not come out of hiding or issue any public statement. hellooooooo? is anyone out there who wants to lead this city? do you feel the shame yet, detroit? remember, it was you that reelected him.

to you, mayor kilpatrick, i raise my peach-flavored swisher sweet and my mad dog 20/20 and say here's to you... oh silver tongued ambassador of motown. you could have done a lot of good for the city if not for your one weakness. seems like every issue you've had stems from one thing. it's like The Roots said: "everytime i turn around it's more pussy galore".

hood-tastic!

how do i hate "ghetto-ness"? let me count the ways...

last week, i'm driving furiously to best buy, ironically to pick up a new hip-hop album, when i'm stopped behind a hooptie. the trunk is rattling (not bumping, rattling) with the bass vibrations of what can only be classified as gangsta music. no, not gangst-er music, which would more likely remind me of frank sinatra or tony soprano. gangst-a music, which in my eyes, mostly entertains the low-life population who think they're scary and important like gangsters, but are really just folks lacking respect, motivation, and therefore employment. besides the point. so there are two people in the car. the male driver is waving his arms up and down like he's the rap star and proceeds to repeatedly stick his finger in the female passenger's face. as if this is not sufficient insult, he begins to push her head with his finger. now, she is obviously annoyed, given that she keeps swatting his hand away, but if it were me, i would have punched him dead in his eye ("who you callin' a bitch? U-N-I-T-Y".... ha, sorry- it just slipped out).

today, CNN ran a news story about more states stiffening penalties for excesively baggy pants that show undergarments, or even worse ass crack. of course, the ACLU is fighting it. in most cases, i'm a supporter of the organization, but c'mon. if i see you with pants around your knees, believe this: i'm not talking to you, i'm not looking at you (for fear of an unintentional eye-roll resulting in a verbal assault) and i'm DEFINITELY not hiring your sorry ass.

there's nothing about "ghetto-ness" that i'm a fan of really. pants around your knees? not hot. clothes bearing the likes of fat albert and tweety bird? not hot. packing heat? nope. sporting your hair in the shape of a helicopter? yuck. damn, you can't even find good weed in the hood anymore. but i guess my main problem with it is its ability to stick around into the adulthood years. i hate to see a 16 year old carrying himself like this, but if he's still behaving this way at 40, even 30... that's not ok. you have to learn how to make the switch. you don't holla atcha boss like you holla atcha boi. word?

disclaimer: i grew up in ypsi, ok? i'm no stranger to baggy jeans, gym shoes, over-sized jerseys and EXTREMELY tight hair. not tight like "nice hair", but tight like "ouch". in high school, i spent a lot of time on the south side and honestly believed that i fit in. sure, i was usually high at the time, but i could still walk it and talk it. and i've taken part in more than my share of "baby momma" fights, playing the roles of baby momma, other girl and innocent bystander. perhaps it's unusual that i, of all people, am commenting on this absurdity, when i'm known to have a "hood" tendency myself. perpetual dater of black men, incessant user of the F-word, owner of 3 pairs of Timberlands, and public worshipper of the movie "Tupac: Ressurection". but i know how to be a grown-up when necessary. and that my friends, makes me "hood-tastic"!!!!!