Tuesday, January 29, 2008

come out, come out...

wherever you are. kwame does it again. while in hiding, he's successfully secured detroit's slot as the most shameful city in the country. and he's THE MAYOR! seriously, i don't know whether to be amused or angry with the dude. last week, kwame "i like titties" kilpatrick (nickname courtesy of Brown Guy - keep an eye out for his blog regarding this... it's guaranteed to be funnier than this one) was busted. he was having an affair with his chief of staff, but more importantly, he lied about it on the stand. well, there goes his law license. did someone say "that's mighty clinton-ish of you, kwame"? the super-cool, sneaky way he was busted? text messages (in which he stated to his lover "never busted")!!! i love it. for all the juicy verbage, check out the story on click-on-detroit. it does make you think twice about what your thumbs are saying to your cell pals, though. sure hope they never subpoena my texts!

when he was brought forth in a whitsleblower lawsuit, back in september, i thought what was going on then was nonsense. but this really takes the cake. dude thinks he's straight tony soprano.... above the law. he's throwing parties at his mansion where strippers beef with his wife, then end up whacked. he's bangin' the chief of staff and firing her employees for investigating it (their whistleblower trial is when he "allegedly" committed perjury). he had a secret get-away home down south that he was staying at last week until he was tracked down there. i wonder if the manoogian mansion has a batcave with a super speedy get-away vehicle too? and now he's totally AWOL. he will not come out of hiding or issue any public statement. hellooooooo? is anyone out there who wants to lead this city? do you feel the shame yet, detroit? remember, it was you that reelected him.

to you, mayor kilpatrick, i raise my peach-flavored swisher sweet and my mad dog 20/20 and say here's to you... oh silver tongued ambassador of motown. you could have done a lot of good for the city if not for your one weakness. seems like every issue you've had stems from one thing. it's like The Roots said: "everytime i turn around it's more pussy galore".

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

democracy schamocracy

despite the minute percentage of people who discuss politics all year round and will try to convince you to do the same, most folks don't pay any mind until a presidential election year rolls around. even still, the majority probably don't even participate in the primaries/caucuses and will wait until the november election before they choose to exercise their civil right to vote. it is my belief that the ones who exclude themselves from the polls altogether do so because they still think their vote doesn't count. after all, one in 300 million is far less significant than say, one in 100. i am not really passing judgement here - in fact, i rarely vote in local or state elections.

you may be aware that today is the day that michigan is holding its primary election. more likely though, you aren't. it seems as though even the potential democratic nominees (at least the major ones) have forgotten the poverty ridden, economically deficient great lakes state today. but wait. not forgotten as much as ignored. you can't really blame them. the state of michigan has chosen to break DNC rules and push their primary three weeks up, supposedly in order to boost their importance in the race. stadium status. ironically (and more characteristic of the mitten's government), they've succeeded in the exact opposite. most candidates withdrew from the primary, leaving clinton as the only viable democrat on the ballot. my beef? the city of detroit and its many suburban communities will essentially fall silent. the unemployed. the poor. the under-represented. their hopes for change, for a light at the end of the tunnel, dashed. truth be told, i understand where state leaders were coming from... the rules are incredibly stupid... but it seems to me that there must be a better way. now is not the time to sacrifice the vote in order to make a point.


four years ago, i cast my vote for edwards. two years ago, i was introduced to obama.... by oprah (she changes lives!). admittedly, i was torn between the two this time around. no matter. apparently, i must sit back and let the rest of the country decide for me - i'd be happy with either of the two earning the nomination. but darkening the circle to the right of "uncommitted" today left me with an empty feeling. it was a small step backward for me, one who was jarred by the initial bush election. i didn't vote that day, eight years ago (wasn't even registered), and i learned that evening that every vote actually does count. today i did vote and in reality, it doesn't count for a thing.

Monday, January 7, 2008

to taze or not to taze?

this morning, i read about Taser parties on CNN.com. although it sounded a little sketch to me, i investigated further and discovered that yes, indeed these were akin to mary kay, pure romance and pampered chef parties. and here's the part that hooked me: most attendees were single women who live alone.

it wasn't until i became a parent and decided that i was "better off alone" that i began to lie in bed and dream up all of the horrible things that could happen to me, or god forbid, my daughter before sunlight came again. seriously, it gets me all worked up. i am, by nature, a relatively anxious person, but this pushes me over the edge some nights. i am shamed to say that i feel more comfortable with a man in the house, but i do. rosie the rivoter would be disappointed. i gotta admit, i am often scared for my life, even when there is no threat present.

but back to the taser parties... after reading the article, i decided that i want one! not as scary as a gun, but more useful than my trusty ol' baseball bat that lies hidden near my bed. i felt a weight lift from my shoulders. i had finally found a solution to protecting my small family and feeling safe again in my own home! even the $350 pricetag won't discourage me (that's what tax returns are for). imagine my dismay when i discover that they are illegal in about 6 or 7 states and michigan is one of those states. i should find out more anyway, but for now...

do any of you feel like, uh, picking one up next time you're in town???

Thursday, January 3, 2008

50 bucks?!?!

another testament to how greedy the wealthy are in this country. dude from connecticut finds a check for $185K on the street. he works at mcdonalds and receives food stamps just to get by. does he cash the check? nope. in fact, he tracks down the (wealthy) landlord who was supposed to receive the check. THEN, he hops on a bus and returns the check to the lady that wrote it in the first place. keep in mind that this woman is writing a $185K check for RENT. do you know what she rewards him with? 50 bucks. i'll kill a bitch!

wow. hey buddy, hope you enjoy puttin' that 50 on your kid's winter coat layaway while this bitch heads to her $2K spa appointment. if there's ever a next time, i'd keep that shit if i were you. someone like that doesn't deserve to keep their money. if one needs to be that frugal, one should probably make sure they don't leave their rent in the streets.