come out, come out...

wherever you are. kwame does it again. while in hiding, he's successfully secured detroit's slot as the most shameful city in the country. and he's THE MAYOR! seriously, i don't know whether to be amused or angry with the dude. last week, kwame "i like titties" kilpatrick (nickname courtesy of Brown Guy - keep an eye out for his blog regarding this... it's guaranteed to be funnier than this one) was busted. he was having an affair with his chief of staff, but more importantly, he lied about it on the stand. well, there goes his law license. did someone say "that's mighty clinton-ish of you, kwame"? the super-cool, sneaky way he was busted? text messages (in which he stated to his lover "never busted")!!! i love it. for all the juicy verbage, check out the story on click-on-detroit. it does make you think twice about what your thumbs are saying to your cell pals, though. sure hope they never subpoena my texts!

when he was brought forth in a whitsleblower lawsuit, back in september, i thought what was going on then was nonsense. but this really takes the cake. dude thinks he's straight tony soprano.... above the law. he's throwing parties at his mansion where strippers beef with his wife, then end up whacked. he's bangin' the chief of staff and firing her employees for investigating it (their whistleblower trial is when he "allegedly" committed perjury). he had a secret get-away home down south that he was staying at last week until he was tracked down there. i wonder if the manoogian mansion has a batcave with a super speedy get-away vehicle too? and now he's totally AWOL. he will not come out of hiding or issue any public statement. hellooooooo? is anyone out there who wants to lead this city? do you feel the shame yet, detroit? remember, it was you that reelected him.

to you, mayor kilpatrick, i raise my peach-flavored swisher sweet and my mad dog 20/20 and say here's to you... oh silver tongued ambassador of motown. you could have done a lot of good for the city if not for your one weakness. seems like every issue you've had stems from one thing. it's like The Roots said: "everytime i turn around it's more pussy galore".

the other woman

chances are, if you have to dial *67 before you dial a phone number, you probably shouldn't be calling that person. i was "lucky" enough to be on the receiving end of two such phone calls last night. the first at 1:13am and then again at 2:11am. to say that i was a little displeased to be woken up in the middle of the night by the BUZZ of my phone and the word RESTRICTED pasted across the screen would be quite an understatement. sure, there was a time when a phone call at that hour was exciting. something to look forward to and maybe even something that would keep me from falling asleep in the first place. but not now.

first of all, after a sunday of: a, waging mental war with a stubborn 3 year old; b, waiting for said 3 year old to fall asleep so i could secretly box up toys that she hasn't played with in a year (for fear that if she saw this project, it might just push her over the edge); c, attempting to be an inpartial source of advice to my good friend who is dealing with the "should we or shouldn't we get back together" stage which follows a break-up; and d, feeling sorry for myself for several reasons... i needed to sleep it off!

second, i'm fairly certain that i know who the caller was. well, at least i have it narrowed down to two people. usual suspect #1: the man who infiltrated my life for 7 years with no real honorable intentions and although we spent many "late nights" together, miraculously did not end up fathering my child. sure, i was equally to blame, but i'm positive that he came out of that with far fewer scars than i. but that's another post.... and although we may go months without speaking to or seeing each other, he is sure to slither from the depths eventually. that's what he does. usual suspect #2: his psycho pseudo-wife who has threatened my life on numerous occasions, but who really just needs someone better than him. if this is the case, she was likely waiting up for him to come home from another lover's home and since i'm her usual suspect, she decided just to check in. ah, there's no love like crazy love!

yes, the whole world knows that i, in my youth, fell in love with a (sort of) married man. i have born the "other woman" title for years. in any case, please get over it. the other woman still exists... it's just not me. besides, i'm not sure what the *67 is good for in this case... these are not-so-anonymous phone calls anyway.