hood-tastic!

how do i hate "ghetto-ness"? let me count the ways...

last week, i'm driving furiously to best buy, ironically to pick up a new hip-hop album, when i'm stopped behind a hooptie. the trunk is rattling (not bumping, rattling) with the bass vibrations of what can only be classified as gangsta music. no, not gangst-er music, which would more likely remind me of frank sinatra or tony soprano. gangst-a music, which in my eyes, mostly entertains the low-life population who think they're scary and important like gangsters, but are really just folks lacking respect, motivation, and therefore employment. besides the point. so there are two people in the car. the male driver is waving his arms up and down like he's the rap star and proceeds to repeatedly stick his finger in the female passenger's face. as if this is not sufficient insult, he begins to push her head with his finger. now, she is obviously annoyed, given that she keeps swatting his hand away, but if it were me, i would have punched him dead in his eye ("who you callin' a bitch? U-N-I-T-Y".... ha, sorry- it just slipped out).

today, CNN ran a news story about more states stiffening penalties for excesively baggy pants that show undergarments, or even worse ass crack. of course, the ACLU is fighting it. in most cases, i'm a supporter of the organization, but c'mon. if i see you with pants around your knees, believe this: i'm not talking to you, i'm not looking at you (for fear of an unintentional eye-roll resulting in a verbal assault) and i'm DEFINITELY not hiring your sorry ass.

there's nothing about "ghetto-ness" that i'm a fan of really. pants around your knees? not hot. clothes bearing the likes of fat albert and tweety bird? not hot. packing heat? nope. sporting your hair in the shape of a helicopter? yuck. damn, you can't even find good weed in the hood anymore. but i guess my main problem with it is its ability to stick around into the adulthood years. i hate to see a 16 year old carrying himself like this, but if he's still behaving this way at 40, even 30... that's not ok. you have to learn how to make the switch. you don't holla atcha boss like you holla atcha boi. word?

disclaimer: i grew up in ypsi, ok? i'm no stranger to baggy jeans, gym shoes, over-sized jerseys and EXTREMELY tight hair. not tight like "nice hair", but tight like "ouch". in high school, i spent a lot of time on the south side and honestly believed that i fit in. sure, i was usually high at the time, but i could still walk it and talk it. and i've taken part in more than my share of "baby momma" fights, playing the roles of baby momma, other girl and innocent bystander. perhaps it's unusual that i, of all people, am commenting on this absurdity, when i'm known to have a "hood" tendency myself. perpetual dater of black men, incessant user of the F-word, owner of 3 pairs of Timberlands, and public worshipper of the movie "Tupac: Ressurection". but i know how to be a grown-up when necessary. and that my friends, makes me "hood-tastic"!!!!!