bad mommy!

honestly, i can be a pretty judgmental bitch when it comes to others' parenting skills. most days, i can conjure up oodles of reasons why i'm a better mom than so-and-so. although my voyage into and through parenthood has not unfolded as expected, i still pride myself on how i've managed. of course, i love my kiddo more than anything in the world. also, i think she is relatively well-behaved for a 3 year old and quite frankly, the coolest kid anyone could hope for! for most moms and pops, i think all of this goes without saying. this week, however, my little "angel" put me in check this week. the following two conversations happened within 24 hours:

1. i preface this first story by admitting i am pro-spanking. when a kid acts up, you gotta let 'em know who's the boss. that does not, however, constitute a beat down.... just a swat on the butt. ok, so amaia's attitude had been amplified over the weekend by an overnight visit from an extremely undisciplined buddy. he was terribly behaved and after he left, she decided she would try on this "bad girl" role. it was one of the more frustrating mother experiences and needless to say, i spent most of the day yelling and spanking and she spent most of the day either in bed or in timeout. at one point, after literally draggin her into her bed six times in a row, i unleashed a torrent of scoldings at a loud volume. but i wasn't exactly yelling at her... it was more like pleading with her to give mommy a break. it went something like: "amaia, mommy's the only one in this whole world that takes care of you every day. i love you, but you gotta give me a break. i need you to listen to me and do what you're told and stop fighting with me about everything. i'm the mom and you're the kid and that's just how it is (whoa, did i just hear MY mom chuckle in my subconciousness???) and you don't hit mommy!" and the little girl, laying limp in her bed, exhausted from the fight she put up, tears in her eyes, says... "mommy, you don't hit me!" and it stopped me dead in my tracks. ouch. "you know what?", i said. "you're right. we'll talk about that." and later that day, she and i set up a heirarchy of punishments, which only involved spanking if she didn't respond to other things. this has not in any way changed my position on spanking, but it has opened my eyes to the fact that sometimes, when it's in excess, it doesn't work. a swat should be a method of scolding the child after calm reasoning and time-outs... not a method of releasing your own frustration. score one for the kiddo.
kiddo 1. mommy 0.

2. the previous evening, i returned from work to pick up the kiddo after what she likes to call "grandma day". grandma day = friday. she loves grandma day because it's her own private time with her very favorite person (oh, and her very favorite friend - luke, the dog). after hugs and kisses and stories from her day, i retrieve a beer from the fridge. but before i can enjoy it, my mom says "i have to tell you something". uh oh, i thought. "amaia said the f-word today". (insert appropriate villanous audio clip here). what i felt at that moment was mostly embarrassment because i knew who the culprit was here and it wasn't said 3 year old. apparently, it went down like this: two beanie babies are having a conversation... at some point, the blue-colored bear says "are you fuckin' serious?". grandma asks the voice behind the blue bear to verify what she has just said and the voice repeats the phrase clear as day. grandma gently explains that this is not a nice word and she doesn't want to hear it used again. the voice says "but grandma, mom says that when she's talking on the phone". (more embarrassment. more climactic audio). now, anyone who knows me well knows that this particular phrase is definitely a kara-ism. oh my god, i'm that mom. i'm that mom that doesn't take the time to watch what she says and unintentionally teaches her kid that swearing is ok. not to mention the fact that the kid can't recite her own full name or phone number, but can recite the lyrics to the new kanye album... including a few choice words there.
kiddo 2. mommy 0.

man, i got a lot of work to do. this mommy job is hard work!